If I knew then what I know now…yea, it’s a cliche, but it’s true.
I have a huge dilemma. I have approximately 1 year….30 credits….left to finish my B.A. in English Lit/Creative Writing. I wish I knew in 1988 what I know now…I would have finished then, but I have gone back to college on and off for the past 20 years. Now, I want to finish not just for economic reasons, but for accomplishment sake. The problem is that my original college is in PA. I live in FL. If I transfer everything here, I still have to take at least 60 credits from whatever university I go to in order to get my degree there. That makes it approximately 2 1/2 years in FL.
My husband will not move back to PA. I have 2 children and receive SSD. I can get the $$$ for school through student loans and grants, but I want to get off of SSD to have a career I can work in……education.
So, I reasearched some things, found out what is available to disabled persons who want to re-enter the workplace and I can do it with my kids on my own. But do I do it?
Do I leave my husband to better my family. His job is unstable and does not pay enough. He is not going to go to college or trade school to begin a new career. He does not see the problem here. He does not think there is anything wrong with our situation….he “can always get extra work”. But, that’s just it…there is no extra work in construction any more. Florida has the highest unemployment rate for the construction industry than any other state. I do not want to just live paycheck to paycheck….year after year…when I can change it all in just over a year. I WANT to do this.
Do I split up my family for the better life? I have a feeling that no matter what my husband says, he will come, but part of me is so angry after all of these months of fighting about it…that I don’t want him to come at all.
This is my maim dilemma, as there are other factors involving my husband, but my 8 year old would be so sad. He doesn’t know the things we have had to do make money. The things I have sold on Ebay or pawned. My husband had to take a pay cut. What’s he going to say? Screw you? No, then he won’t have a job at all. This isn’t a sob story…it’s how it is right now and I can change it…I have this incredible opportunity and I am to pass it up because my husband refuses to see the benefits? I am coming back here…to Florida… when I graduate. I want to live on the West Coast of Florida. I could be making twice as much money as he is now and he would work part time. I know jobs aren’t guaranteed, but education is a field that is always in need somewhere. And I do plan to go on the my M.A. to teach at the college level.
Maybe it’s a pride issue. Maybe it’s a control issue. Whatever it is…it’s creating an unpleasant atmosphere for my kids. My husband doesn’t know when to shut up. Bitching is usually sexist and attriubuted to women, but my husband bitches worse than any woman I have ever met. It’s nauseating. I am planning ahead for my kids future. My husband can only see next week.
So, any thoughts, comments, suggestions? You want more in depth info….ask me and help me figure this one out.
Right now…..in July….with the kids….I’m going without him.