“Hey…doesn’t matter what’s going on right now. The sun is still gonna come up in the morning, you’ll start over fresh and life will go on.”
~ My Father, smartest man I know
There goes my hero…..
Rockville Jacksonville 2018
I had a ticket to the 3 day concert. I could not go the entire weekend due to a new job. I only ever wanted to see the Foo Fighters…never saw them before. Awesome show! Raced up to Jacksonville at 6:00pm, got 2 scalped tickets & made it just to about 12 people back and had the best time! Just in time….will be posting the video with them and Billy Idol…and John Travolta was on stage and sang a minute….fucking crowd surfing…loved every minute of it!
And thank you to an extremely kind friend of mine who went with me and helped me get through the crowd to see everything so close. It was the best.
I’m posting this not just to share, but with a purpose. Do what you love to do now. Be spontaneous. Be adventurous. Be kind. Don’t judge. Accept people for who there are, as long as they are kind to you, that’s all that matters…and be kind in return. You never know when your time is up.
The quick and dirty….I have been told 3 times I was going to die or need a heart transplant. They told my mother the same when I was 6 weeks old.
I’m 48 and I’m still here.
This story is for another day…
It literally takes zero effort to say hello to a stranger. It may just be what they needed to remind them there are still good people in this world….be one of those people.
My Mother always wore make-up. Not to look pretty or better, she was gorgeous without it. She wore it because she loved it….especially lipstick. She would wear nothing but lipstick on some days…
I guess that’s where I got it from.
It was a beautiful day yesterday. The type of day in which one would get in their car and drive for hours without any destination or hesitation. The type of day that would lead one somewhere they would never have gone before and possibly end up in a strange place with no idea how they got there. I drove around on this beautiful day in my little VW convertible with the top down. The car isn’t much to look at, but it’s so much fun to drive because it’s a standard. The power behind driving a standard can only be felt by people who love driving a standard. Running through the gears….controlling how the caramels is exhilarating. With the top down on days like this, it’s perfect.
Things have fallen off the car such as, tail lights, the the front and back VW emblem’s, The interior leather panels and sometimes the trunk won’t pop open, but only the tail lights have been replaced. The back is covered with stickers, someone worn from the weather….others still in pristine condition. All the tires had to of been replaced at one time or another with used tires, as I do not see the need to purchase brand new tires because a used tire is just as good and cheaper. Most of the time the guys at the place I go to don’t even charge me so I just give them a tip …a very large tip because it restores my faith in the fact that they are still good people out in this world. There is one missing hubcap in which I would explain, but it is not relevant to what I am speaking of now. Most importantly, is mechanically sound and it is paid for.
The stereo is broken so I use a Bluetooth speaker with my iTunes on my phone and I listen to music in traffic. When I listen to music I REALLY listen to it. Everyone says they love music. Music has the ability to transcend time and space. It makes you laugh and it makes you cry. It can make you angry or it can make you serene. Today it made me serene. I needed serenity this morning. I needed much more than serenity.
When I speak of listening to music, I mean listening with such an intent that you have no idea what else is going on around you. You cannot hear anyone talking, You cannot hear the cars driving bye…..you can slightly hear the wind blow if you try, but you shouldn’t try to. If you are really listening to the lyrics, the message, the bass line, the drums, the bongos, the combination of everything and how it come together in such harmony…. when you hear something that is so spectacular that he takes you to another level of consciousness…. that is true genius.
I’ve always wanted to go to Jim Morrison’s grave. It’s on my list of things to do before I die. I suppose everyone has a list like this of some sort, but mine has reasoning and intent behind each and every item on that list. Years ago when I told my significant other at the time that I wanted to go there, I also said I wanted to go alone. He was very angry and confused. I tried to explain to him I did not think you could possibly appreciate the experience as much as I would. He just could not understand that and inevitably I had to lie and say we would go together… knowing I would never do that.
This ties into the idea of how much I love to be alone. I love to go to the beach by myself, drive up and down A1A for miles in each direction and just come back home. I have music and time right now and I’m using all of it to the best of my ability….making the most of all of it. One of the best days I had was with my 10-year-old in traffic. He seemed to be a little down that day, but wouldn’t say why. I didn’t push him but instead, I put on run DMC’s, It’s Tricky. My introverted, sweet little boy knew every single word to that song. I had no idea. Sometimes he is an enigma to me because he is so introverted. But on this day we sat in traffic and drove and listened to that song over and over again……singing all the words together and it was beautiful.
Here is the point that I am trying to convey in a very roundabout way:
There is a lot huge difference between being alone and being lonely. I am not lonely at all, but I do love being alone. I love to be alone with my own thoughts, writings, music, children….Anything one would require a friend or significant other to be with to do, I will do alone with ease and without hesitation. It doesn’t bother me to eat in a restaurant alone. I don’t need someone to go out to see a band at a bar alone…..And I will see Jim Morrison’s grave in the next year or so, alone. It is not lonely when you love what you are doing by yourself. Because in the end you will never be happy with anyone else until you are happy being alone.
How do I even begin to describe this feeling…hopelessness, lost, alone….
My mother died 17 years ago and every time I come here, it’s as if it were yesterday. She was always proud of me no matter what I did. I told her everything. She was and still will always be my best friend.
She always wore lipstick everyday, even if it was the only stitch of make-up she had on. I guess that’s where I got from. I love wearing lipstick because it makes me feel happy. She told me that along time ago.
And aside from today, I’m all about doing things that make me happy.
My son Jake and I are packing to move and I asked him to get a medium-sized box and this was his response.
“Mom, why can’t we just call them big and small boxes? Just because you didn’t get the specified sizes at U-Haul doesn’t mean we have to call them that.”
He’s 17…. and I’m not trying to brag, but brilliant as well. I had him tested for ADHD on two occasions because he wouldn’t do his homework and his grade level was 16.4. That’s over a bachelors degree. He has a higher degree than I do.
He is a great kid….beats me at chess every time after I only showed him once how to play, and so rational at times…. I forget that he’s only 17. This is where I get into trouble.
I always thought of myself as the parent first and friend second. I am consistently on his ass about doing schoolwork, but just what is it exactly that I can I do? Should I tie him to the computer with only his hands free? How about I tie a shotgun up to the door with a string attached to the chair so when he gets up (he won’t be in harms way) it will blow everything up?
I have no control. Unless I send him to military school, which I won’t do…. he hates liquor, doesn’t smoke cigarettes and hates all man-made drugs. He doesn’t trust things that are not natural. He eats mainly healthy and organic foods, with the exception of a lot of soda as I do not allow any energy drinks…..For the most part he does whatever chore I ask him to do and he watches his little brother, who is almost 10 now every day. So what am I to do ?
Yes there are areas in which he and all of us can improve but I have no recourse to make him finish high school. I have always stated that he had to have a high school diploma in order to do anything in life and while this is true for most instances, I don’t believe he’s going to be mediocre. He’s a skateboarder, I damn fucking good one. He put clips all over social media and gets a fair amount of views for just starting out…. it is his dream and passion.
I’m going to help him pursue that because I know he can do it.
I know a lot of people will wildly disagree with this decision, but if you don’t take chances on what you really want to do with your life….. you will never know if you were able to succeed.
Just remember, Hilary Swank and her mom slept in their car And an abandoned house for months before she made it. It was her mom that took her to pursue that dream. And she won an Oscar…..
Steve Harvey lived in his 1976 Ford Tempo for three years before he made it big. Aside from his little snafu at the Miss America pageant….. he’s doing fucking awesome.
So don’t let anyone ever tell you that your dream is not practical, unattainable or unrealistic.
Because at the end of the day you are the only one that has to look in the mirror and explain to yourself why you sit at a desk from 9 to 5 and hate your job.