“Keep holding your cards too closely, and everyone will eventually fold…”
“My mother wore make up and lipstick every day….. whether she was going out of the house or not. I asked her why one day…… and she simply stated,
‘Because it makes me feel good.’
And today I find that she was 100% correct.”
~ Raven R. Adda
After a long hard fight it’s over. But even during in an eviction….I look fabulous because I got my shit figured out…It’s just a shame that you can’t count on people that you trusted for a very long time. Oh well. One more year and all my “poor choices” will become gold.
What is that old cliché? Oh, behind every great man is a greater woman.
I don’t need a man to do anything.
Tones and Tinkles and Twinkles vibrated and she heard the most stunning combination of hurt and sorrow and grief and longing and wanting and craving and feverish aching….so hard to concentrate on anything else but tiny nuances and shades of splendor that were adored by so many, yet unappreciated by enough to feel badly…..and she felt alone in a crowded room of friends and family with no familiarity to accompany the wounded soul blackened and scorched from years of asking inside……
was it ever possible to be as superficial as the people surrounding her every single grueling day….days that even the warmest sun had dark clouds engulfing her mind and body and soul. and all that she thought meant nothing and all she yearned for was mistaken for fleeting thoughts of her scattered brain and unfinished projects and fresh schemes, as she never spoke of the meaning of emotion that burst from all the stories and art and music and picture and movies…..
because she knew in the pits of where no one ever lets anyone in…in the deepest abyss that no one ever sees …in minuscule crevices that no one knows exist because she knows no one would have the same infatuation and anticipation for these things she loves so….. she hides….
and because she does hide….in the open….where everyone may see the joy of a day, but never the nightmarish loneliness she feels every evening and late, late night that keeps her awake with sorrow and hatred for all who surround her and care for her and love her and yet no one really knows her soul…and no one ever knows the pain and longing for connections had for fleeting moments in time….that will never be once again….that will never compare to today….
the brightest, sunniest day there ever could be…. starts all over again.
“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”
~ Henry David Thoreau
I have been lost for some time now….something is coming…..I can feel it…..