“You should know that he who has betrayed you once, will most likely betray you once again.”
Soooooo…..technology has really reduced the amount of actual interaction we have with each other. This is nothing knew. There are studies, etc…I would look for an example, but I’m on a roll.
So, enter the pool of online dating. No one wants to actually meet in real life. I don’t get it. One guy wouldn’t even call me. And he had my number from like week one. After talking for three weeks and, I’m not gonna lie, some sexting, etc…but also some serious stuff. I mean it was fun, exciting and very liberating. I’ve learned that I will ask for what I want and if happens to be just fucking sex, why do guys not follow through? I speak from two experiences here, so I’m no expert, but I think I’ve learned enough over my life time to smell bullshit when it comes down to pulling the trigger. Wow! That was a lot of metaphors.
I talk to everyone…and I mean everyone. I say hello to people at the gas station, have short conversations while getting coffee in Starbucks, tell the lady at the Publix deli that I love her hair (because she works around meat all day and I’m sure that doesn’t make her feel pretty). I am a very social person.
Ok, so maybe we’ve established the first one I had written was about a certain guy and I am still puzzled at that whole shit show. I really liked what I saw, talked about…everything. A possibility. I used to love to write, but I lost myself for a long time (that’s a whole nother’ story that I’m sure bits and pieces will come out)…..anyway. I felt exhilarated to write and that made exhilarated in other areas, if you know what I mean….okay, yeah we all know I’m mean…..constantly horny at all times thinking just about the sex. Like have to stop in a bathroom in a store to take care of things sex you just can’t stop thinking about.
I know there will people who think I’m a slut, tell me to stop writing about these experiences or just plain tell me to take this down, but in all honesty, fuck you.
You see I am going to be 48 years old in March and I finally just don’t give a fuck. I used to say that my whole life, but it wasn’t completely true. Not any longer.
I don’t really care what the number is, I don’t fell that way….It’s an old cliche’, but painstakingly true. I feel the most sexual than I have ever felt in my life.
I just want to fuck someone that I know for a decent amount of time. Maybe that’s a week, maybe longer. Bottom line: get laid. If it leads other places, so be it.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far, a friend once said, “You wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes without trying them on, would you?” I mean, sex is a big part of meeting someone. You have to know if it’s there.
I don’t want a relationship. I have kids, and ex that sucks the literal life out of me (another time), my sister’s divorce….which you would never believe, but that’s not for me to tell (maybe in the book). I have nothing to give and I want very little in return. If the chemistry was on, then it’s just him and I for however long it lasts. But it never gets to that point because they never show up! The fantasy is better than the reality. 100%. Or maybe they don’t believe me or maybe they think I’m a whore. Wait…fuck you. I am single and sexual. I am in the process of divorcing my husband of almost 20 years. I have never cheated on him, despite an absolutely insane amount of accusations. I had opportunities, but I always kept myself in check. Even when it was the worst….still never did it. I never wanted a wedding and I didn’t. Courthouse. But to me it’s just a piece of paper. If I am committed, I’m committed, why would a piece of paper make any difference. I don’t need a piece of paper to feel secure. I mean, if it were important to my man, then I would consider it. But that’s a LONG ass ways away, if at all. But I digress (and I will many many times….).
Oh, and I think Valentine’s Day was created by corporations to make billions of dollars every year on stupid shit, so I don’t want anything. Bring me wild flowers picked from a field every other day. Yea. yea…..everyone says that but they don’t mean it. Ummm, no. I fucking mean it. I used to be a label whore and want all this shit, but now I have a 2005 VW Bettle that looks like shit. I have it covered in stickers, the top is ratted out, the interior panels came off and the radio is broken, so I ride around with a blue-tooth speaker so I can have my music. But…….It is mechanically sound, gets close to 300 miles to a tank that cost $35.00, and it’s so much fun with the top down. #1 reason I love it…..It’s fucking paid for. No car payments. It gets me from point A to point B and I love it. I want to spend my money on experiences, not cars. Would I like a brand new car, sure, who wouldn’t, but only if it were free. I don’t need one.
I am extremely low maintenance. I don’t know why people don’t believe me.
But I digress, yet again (I told you).
Why do men not follow through? Maybe it’s because they think I won’t look like picture? I fucking love those pictures because they do make me look awesome, but I have been told by more than a few men that I was gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, etc….Or maybe those guys didn’t really mean it and just want to get laid. I don’t know. But you know what gets me? Music. I can’t help myself when it comes to any guy that loves music as much as I do. So there’s the literal “hook”. Any type of music. The first one played bass and sent me all kinds of really deep, political music from YouTube. I would have never found this particular band on my own, but it was so meaningful filled with a mixture of anger, regret, possible redemption, but mostly hopelessness. The lyrics are hypnotic and I lost myself relating to what they were REALLY singing about. It was haunting. That is so sexy. Ok, ok, here’s a link:
Am I right? Or was I just giving into the fantasy as well? Anyway, its the band I am currently listening to and will continue to.
Maybe they do not feel they can live up to the expectation? Well, again, they will never know because they never even tried. If it doesn’t live up to it. I’m not going to be insulted. If I’m not your type, then I can’t do anything about that. Not anyone’s fault, just happens. Same goes for me, but just fucking follow through already.
It’s frustrating & exhausting being in the thunder-dome of online dating. My life is a literal shit show right now, so I have not much to give and I say that up front. I guess I will never get it. Men say all the time that they will never figure women out.
Yea, well, women have that same issue. So, if a guy is truly interested, just say these words:
“I would love to talk to you, see if we can get together sometime, see if we click and see what happens.” Not too over the top. not too vague….just perfect.
But you guys have to be willing to actually MEET in person, or at least talk on the phone.
Oh….I’m done, for now….I have shit to do.
Like I said, I have a life that requires all of my attention.
I’ll check for typos later……
Until we again….