It was a beautiful day yesterday. The type of day in which one would get in their car and drive for hours without any destination or hesitation. The type of day that would lead one somewhere they would never have gone before and possibly end up in a strange place with no idea how they got there. I drove around on this beautiful day in my little VW convertible with the top down. The car isn’t much to look at, but it’s so much fun to drive because it’s a standard. The power behind driving a standard can only be felt by people who love driving a standard. Running through the gears….controlling how the caramels is exhilarating. With the top down on days like this, it’s perfect.
Things have fallen off the car such as, tail lights, the the front and back VW emblem’s, The interior leather panels and sometimes the trunk won’t pop open, but only the tail lights have been replaced. The back is covered with stickers, someone worn from the weather….others still in pristine condition. All the tires had to of been replaced at one time or another with used tires, as I do not see the need to purchase brand new tires because a used tire is just as good and cheaper. Most of the time the guys at the place I go to don’t even charge me so I just give them a tip …a very large tip because it restores my faith in the fact that they are still good people out in this world. There is one missing hubcap in which I would explain, but it is not relevant to what I am speaking of now. Most importantly, is mechanically sound and it is paid for.
The stereo is broken so I use a Bluetooth speaker with my iTunes on my phone and I listen to music in traffic. When I listen to music I REALLY listen to it. Everyone says they love music. Music has the ability to transcend time and space. It makes you laugh and it makes you cry. It can make you angry or it can make you serene. Today it made me serene. I needed serenity this morning. I needed much more than serenity.
When I speak of listening to music, I mean listening with such an intent that you have no idea what else is going on around you. You cannot hear anyone talking, You cannot hear the cars driving bye…..you can slightly hear the wind blow if you try, but you shouldn’t try to. If you are really listening to the lyrics, the message, the bass line, the drums, the bongos, the combination of everything and how it come together in such harmony…. when you hear something that is so spectacular that he takes you to another level of consciousness…. that is true genius.
I’ve always wanted to go to Jim Morrison’s grave. It’s on my list of things to do before I die. I suppose everyone has a list like this of some sort, but mine has reasoning and intent behind each and every item on that list. Years ago when I told my significant other at the time that I wanted to go there, I also said I wanted to go alone. He was very angry and confused. I tried to explain to him I did not think you could possibly appreciate the experience as much as I would. He just could not understand that and inevitably I had to lie and say we would go together… knowing I would never do that.
This ties into the idea of how much I love to be alone. I love to go to the beach by myself, drive up and down A1A for miles in each direction and just come back home. I have music and time right now and I’m using all of it to the best of my ability….making the most of all of it. One of the best days I had was with my 10-year-old in traffic. He seemed to be a little down that day, but wouldn’t say why. I didn’t push him but instead, I put on run DMC’s, It’s Tricky. My introverted, sweet little boy knew every single word to that song. I had no idea. Sometimes he is an enigma to me because he is so introverted. But on this day we sat in traffic and drove and listened to that song over and over again……singing all the words together and it was beautiful.
Here is the point that I am trying to convey in a very roundabout way:
There is a lot huge difference between being alone and being lonely. I am not lonely at all, but I do love being alone. I love to be alone with my own thoughts, writings, music, children….Anything one would require a friend or significant other to be with to do, I will do alone with ease and without hesitation. It doesn’t bother me to eat in a restaurant alone. I don’t need someone to go out to see a band at a bar alone…..And I will see Jim Morrison’s grave in the next year or so, alone. It is not lonely when you love what you are doing by yourself. Because in the end you will never be happy with anyone else until you are happy being alone.